Advice from the other gender… How to win over her family

Weddings are beautiful: they are a celebration of commitment, tradition and love. Oh and two families merging. We can’t forget that and neither should you because you’re not just marrying her; you’re metaphorically marrying her family as well. Yeah, that crazy one eyed uncle, the ADHD Ben 10 wearing nephew and her ceramic cat collecting sister are your family too now. God give you strength.

It’s not easy I know especially if her family are crazy/hippies/dysfunctional/from a different country/conservative (cross out whatever doesn't apply.) So to give you some tips on how to survive her family during the wedding I am going to share some crucial advice on how to win over family members. So listen up gents and take note…

Her Dad

He may turn out to be your biggest ally during this whole wedding malarkey or your biggest enemy. Regardless of how he turns out to be though, you are still taking his little girl away from him and as someone who has (hopefully) brought her up and watched her grow – this is a big deal. In his mind you are essentially replacing him as ‘the man in her life’ so don’t be surprised if he makes you jump through a few hoops and plays a few mind games with you before the big day. Chances are it’s not personal, he’s just making sure you’re suitable and worthy of his daughter. Clichéd I know but it’s a cliché for a reason: the testing father-in-law is to be expected if you’re going to ask a girl to marry you.

Extra tip: - Be wary about asking her father for permission before asking for her hand in marriage. Some women really like the tradition but some find it terribly sexist and outdated. So think about that first before you go galloping to her father.

Her Mum

Chances are she’ll be overjoyed. Unless of course she thinks you're scum in which case you’re screwed. But let’s assume she doesn’t think you’re scum. Her mum will normally be lovely and helpful throughout the whole thing. Though she may become a bit of a nightmare when it comes to some of the wedding details (I’ve witnessed a bride and mum fall out over ivory vs the colour ‘bone’ once.) If the mum becomes a nightmare then there's not a lot you can do about this, just make sure you are charming and helpful whenever her mum is around and you should be just fine. However, if there comes a time when you have to choose between your bride's opinion or her mum's. Feign diarrhoea and excuse yourself promptly: there is no correct/safe choice there. Trust me on this.

Her Brother

Like the dad, this could go either way. Her brother could think you’re a solid bloke or hate you on sight. Saying that though, he might actually not give a cr*p. They shouldn’t be too hard to bring over to your side though, so if she has a brother then he should be your first targeted ally (just because he'll normally be the quickest to win over.) Find out what he likes, see if you share any interests, if you do then great! Ask him out for a pint and chat about it. If you don’t have anything in common then… errrr… invite him out for a bonding pint anyway.

Her Sister

Being a sister is sacred, so if your future Mrs has one and they are close or on good terms then this is where you focus your efforts. She will be your biggest ally in this whole thing: she’ll have her sister’s trust and the ability to bend the ear of the parents. Plus if you get on her good side then she might actually share with you some secret wedding wishes that your future Mrs has confided in her. Remember though, keep a respectful distance so it doesn’t look like you’re getting too cosy with the sister (don’t want to start any rumours) and don’t tell her anything too secret after all her true alliance lies with her sister not you.

Her Grandparents and everyone else

Just be polite and helpful – regardless of how they treat you. There’s not a lot else you can do here because chances are they won’t have too much input in the wedding but they are important and should not be ignored when it comes to winning over family members. I'd say try and be funny but that's subjective and may go horribly wrong so just be pleasant and PG13.