Joint Hen And Stag Do - Sten Party & Hag Do

Traditionally, stag and hen dos have been separate celebrations, with the groom heading off with his groomsmen and the bride doing the same with her bridesmaids. But what if you've got a big group of mutual friends, or simply want to celebrate together? I can personally say I had to battle an internal dilemma on what to do with a female close friend before my stag do.

That's where a joint hen and stag do comes in. Often called a 'sten do', combining the words stag and hen, it brings both sides of the wedding party together for one big party, or at least it's the general term if you'd like both genders present at your stag/hen.

You might also hear the term 'hag do', although this can cause some confusion and it's now quite dated. Traditionally used as another name for a combined hen and stag party, the term has also been used for gay and lesbian do's, but this term is no longer seen in a positive light.

What Is A Sten Do Or Hag Do?

A sten do combines the words 'stag' and 'hen', while hag do combines them the other way around. Both terms have been used to describe a joint stag/hen party for the couple and their friends. 'Hag do' is an older term and is now very dated, so we're more likely to call it a joint hen and stag do these days.

There's an important distinction here, though. A joint hen and stag do means the couple are celebrating together as one big party, with both sides. A mixed-gender stag or hen do simply means that the people attending might be from any gender. The bride could invite male friends to her hen do, or the groom could invite female friends to his stag do, which is increasingly common.

A stend do shouldn't be confused with an LGBTQ+ stag or hen do. The term for an LGBTQ+ party has evolved over time, from hag do, to fox party and eventually to an LGBTQ+ friendly do. With this in mind, we're building up our database of venues and areas that are known to be safer or easier for people within this community so that they can have the best possible experience without facing forms of prejudice. 

Can You Have A Hen And Stag Do Together?

Of course you can! If you and your partner share a friendship group, it might make more sense to celebrate together than organise two completely separate weekends.

Equally, you don't need to invite your partner just because you've invited friends of different genders. The important thing is deciding what the people getting married actually want, rather than following a tradition for the sake of it.

What Are The Best Joint Hen And Stag Do Activities?

Some of the best sten do activities involve a night out, unsurprisingly. Think bar crawls, nightclub entry or cocktail making sessions. But you don't have to make drinking the centre of the weekend.

During the day, there are plenty of activities that work brilliantly for a mixed group, including go-karting, escape rooms, quad biking and assault courses. Or, for something a little more childish, an inflatable assault course is unbelievable. You could even mix and match activities that people might traditionally associate with hen and stag dos: go-karting followed by a spa, or paintballing followed by a dance class.

Don't assume all the women want pampering and all the men want to spend the day shooting things, either. Plenty of women would rather tear around a go-karting track, and plenty of men would be delighted with a spa afternoon. Ask the group what they actually fancy doing.

What Are The Benefits Of A Joint Stag And Hen Do?

One of the biggest benefits is that you can bring together friends from both sides of the wedding. If you've spent years socialising as one big group, why split everyone up for the pre-wedding celebration?

It can also be a brilliant way for guests who haven't met before to get to know each other before the wedding. By the time the big day arrives, there might be a few more familiar faces around the tables and on the dance floor.

And if you're sharing accommodation or booking group activities, a larger group may open up options that wouldn't work with smaller numbers. Just remember that a bigger group doesn't automatically mean a cheaper weekend for everyone.

What Are The Downsides To A Joint Hen And Stag Do?

The first potential issue is the guest list. Once you start combining friendship groups, the numbers can grow quickly. Then someone asks whether their girlfriend or boyfriend can come, and before you know it, your mate's stag weekend has somehow become a couples' holiday.

That can be awkward for friends who were hoping to spend some quality time with the stag or hen. Single friends might also feel left out if everyone else is paired up, so it's worth thinking about the group dynamic before sending invitations.

Another consideration is whether everyone will feel comfortable with the activities. I attended my sister's hen do, and she had a Butler in the Buff. Did I feel weird? Not at all! I had a great laugh. But other people might feel differently, so it's always better to ask rather than assume.

Finally, make sure both people getting married actually want a joint celebration. If one of you dreams of a weekend away with your closest mates and the other wants one big party, you might be better off keeping some activities separate and meeting up for a shared evening.

What If You Want A Mixed-Gender Stag Or Hen Do Instead?

You don't need to organise a joint party to invite friends of another gender. One key benefit of a mixed-gender stag or hen do is that the person getting married can invite their closest friends, regardless of tradition or old stereotypes.

But what if your partner gets jealous about people of another gender attending? I can certainly say I've had ex-partners who were the jealous type, and this would have got them concerned. My view is that if you love and trust someone enough to marry them, you should be able to trust them to have friends of another gender too.

It's worth talking through expectations before the invitations go out, particularly if anyone has assumed the weekend will be a traditional lads' or girls' trip.

Are Joint Hen And Stag Dos Becoming More Popular?

Joint celebrations aren't a new invention. Older surveys have suggested there was an appetite for combining the two parties: a Skyscanner poll of 750 people reportedly found that 33% of women and 30% of men liked the idea. Another survey, attributed to Warner Breaks, reportedly found that more than half of 4,000 young British adults had invited, or intended to invite, friends of different genders to their celebrations.

Those figures are historical and the second survey concerns mixed-gender guest lists, not necessarily couples celebrating together. They're interesting background, but they shouldn't be treated as evidence of how many couples are booking joint hen and stag dos today.

Should You Have A Joint Hen And Stag Do?

It's certainly not for everyone. A customer of The Stag Company once summed up his concerns rather neatly: "My mates, drunk, out with my bird's mates? Recipe for disaster..." Fair enough!

But other groups love the idea of getting everyone together. It might mean more laughs, more shared memories and a wedding where the guests already know each other.

Whilst The Stag Company doesn't officially offer joint parties under a particular banner, inviting female friends along to a build-your-own stag weekend is perfectly acceptable. We can help you explore activities and accommodation that suit the group you've got in mind.

Ultimately, whether you call it a sten do, a hag do or simply one big pre-wedding mash-up, the best celebration is the one that suits you and your friends. You don't have to follow the old rules to have a brilliant weekend.